The Pad Story

As some of you know, this was the piece I did on Twitter last week that had a few of you keeling over ready to throw up, but saying, "yo, you really need to compile these things together." It is a tad bit unsettling, but if you're used to social networking, you've probably seen profile photos like this one I'm about to describe and said to yourself, "that shit's nasty." So without further ado, here's the Pad letter with a few more addtions to the complaint...

Dear Booty Picture Girls of Social Networking:

First and foremost, we as men would like to thank your skanky behinds for classlessly showing your ass on social networking sites. We even applaud your inventive nature of taking your granny panties, stuffing them inside your butt-crack, and making those normally unattractive undergarments into saggy thongs. NICE! However there are a few things we ask of you as we stare at you're pox mark rear-ends. First, if we can connect the dots with your butt bumps, please just show us your face.
Next, as we look at your photos because it's easier to play off looking at a social networking "friend" rather than porn when our insecure girlfriends are looking over our shoulders, please refrain from putting sparkly gifs over your butts reading messages such as "the baddest bitch" or "don't you want a taste" or "sexy bitch".
Third, we simply ask that when you decide to take your world-famous "backshot" photo, please refrain from doing so during your cycle. Yes, THAT cycle. Seeing bloody pads or a string coming out of the homemade saggy thongs? Not a good look. We know some of you take the pill, have the patch, or might even chew a special type of gum to shorten your "cycles", but when red is in the wash, please keep it to yourself.
I hope these ground rules work for you, and we chauvinists thank you in advance.

Thanks,

Management