Dear Balloon Boy:
First I want to ask your hippy-ass parents something. What the fuck was going through your mind when you decided to name your baby Falcon? What part of the game is THAT?! Do you not realize you set your baby up to do some dumb ass shit like this? Should've just gone the whole nine dumb ass yards and named your baby Orange to match Gwenyth Paltrow's crazy naming ass, Apple. Get the Fuck Outta here!
Okay back to you Balloon Boy. Just to make shit clear, I refuse to refer to you as Falcon. That shit is just dumb, boy. Therefore, I'm just going to call you BB, like BB King. Only I doubt you'll break a chair or have the capacity to keep your rambunctious ass in a seat. Fuck Outta Here!!
So, BB. As of right now at 4:45 PM EST, ya ass is hiding somewhere in Denver like a runaway slave in Maryland waiting for Harriet Tubman. My advice to you, BB, don't go the fuck home! Ya momma will kick your ass!! You done fucked up daddy's balloon! Do you realize your pop has neglected the poom-poom for that balloon? Your mother is dryer than the Mojave in July because your pops promised her this shit was gonna make yall RICH!! BB! Do you realize what sexless women will do to you? They'll hurt you!! How do I know? I went to Catholic school! With nuns as teachers!! Them bitches could play baseball or a sick game of cricket!! They will take all their sexless angst out on your ass with a paddle! That shit hurts!! I say that though BB so that you understand, you fucked up, B!
Not only will Death Valley, aka Momma, kick your ass, but you have crushed your daddy's dreams. I know you love him, but as of right now, in his mind, you are his biggest mistake! Even bigger than naming your ass Falcon. Dumb mothafucka!! Do you realize before that balloon he had no other major goals in life! Like really, who the fuck decides they're going make a fucking helium balloon and keep that shit in they backyard. REALLY?! Is shit that fucked up Falcon Crest, aka dumb ass daddy? If your life sucked that bad that your biggest want in life was to create a big ass balloon, couldn't you have just asked the Army for a transfer, to Texas or something? SHIT!!
I don't wanna go on BB, cause pretty soon I'm just going cuss out your parents for having sex. So my advice to you BB, stay in the fucking bushes and wait for Harriet. And if you wanna bounce, just go to the Denver Airport. That shit's just big for no reason and everyone is too depressed in that bitch to notice you're unattended. So run to freedom, BB, or your ass will get lit the FUCK UP!!
Thanks,
Management.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I randomnly came across your blog and i have to say you have to be the dumbest motherfucker ever. Either you have too much time on your hands to write about a six year old child or either your dumb fucking ass is extremely hurt over your own childhood that you feel the need to attack a child. I hope you aren't an adult writing this. Do your self a favor and smack the living shit out yourself. Congratulations you are a fucking retard.
ReplyDeleteAre you an amature blogger? Did you follow up on the news? His parents was responsible, next time follow the full story before blogging. ASSWIPE!
ReplyDelete